I allways have a troubles with styling XUL elements and without DOM Inspector it could be even worse. Today I’ve tried to style <button type="menu"/> and it also was a hard work but result is pretty good: 
As you see I have two types of menu buttons – with label and without – the most difficult part was to disable flex on inner <hbox> element inside the button element.
Here is the final CSS:
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/* Styles for menu buttons on message header overlay */
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.noteMsghdrButton, .noteMsghdrButtonIconic {
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border: 0px none !important;
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background-color: -moz-field !important;
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}
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.noteMsghdrButton > hbox,
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.noteMsghdrButton > hbox > hbox,
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.noteMsghdrButtonIconic > hbox,
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.noteMsghdrButtonIconic > hbox > hbox {
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background-color: -moz-field !important;
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-moz-box-flex: 0 !important;
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}
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/* we expecting 16 x 16 icon */
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.noteMsghdrButtonIconic { min-width: 30px !important; }
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.noteMsghdrButtonIconic > hbox > hbox { width: 20px !important; }
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.noteMsghdrButtonIconic > hbox > hbox > label { display: none; }
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